LAURA E. PARTAIN | Journal Entry #18: A month into the year 2023.
And so, 2023 began.
Without a camera and in a moment of pure, almost sacred bliss, I rang in the new year with a gathering of friends. I listened intently to my more musical friends sing Auld Lang Syne; soaking in how precious it is to have somewhere to go tonight. How precious it is to have real friends who love me for more than how I work a camera. How thankful I was that the weight of the pandemic seemed to be finally falling off of me. The dread, anxiety, frustration, and acute loneliness I’ve felt for nearly three years. Getting to this point of “feeling like myself again” wasn’t a natural, auto-pilot process. It took uncomfortable and hard work to pull myself out of the depths of pandemic-induced despair and poor habits. I am daily working at this still. I’m sure many folks are.
Last fall, Alec and I stumbled upon a book at Strand Books in New York called Discipline is Destiny by Ryan Holiday. Alec began to put it back, but I felt compelled to keep it (besides, I hate entering a bookstore and not buying anything). I had a good feeling. It turned out the book was a certifiable ass kicker and helped me to get back on a better track in a lot of meaningful ways. The book became a wise and challenging friend immediately. Amongst many things, the book made me think about how I spent my time and why, and what I was trying to do. It helped me re-learn to make goals and keep them, amongst many other critical habits.
So going back to New Years Day. Far from a set of resolutions, I told myself 2023 and 2024 would be years of big plans. In order to achieve those plans however, difficult and calculated work would need to happen. I challenged myself to sit down and make three books in the month of January. As of this writing, two are done and one is being worked on. While I have only had one shoot this month, my life and work schedule has been jam packed and exciting. There’s a real sense of hope and momentum for the first time in a long time.
This year is one full of promise. I’m sure I’ll fail at times, have tough moments, set backs, etc. This is life after all. But one thing I do know, is I’m going to try my best to be the best me I can be - for myself, my partner, my family and friends, and for my work, which I love and am grateful for.
May 2023 be good to you. I plan to make more journal entries this year, so keep an eye out.
Love,
LP